If your love life has hit the skids then you might want to consider having a fling with your local Grill Master. I’m not talking about grabbing dinner and a movie with any old bloke that has a two-bit gasser of a grill. I am talking down and dirty, hot and steamy nights of passion with a Master of the Flames.
If you have never considered a barbecue fanatic as the ideal romantic companion then here are five reasons why you should!
1. Grill Masters love big butts. Self body image issues are a huge mental hang up for so many people. You can’t let yourself go and fully release if you are worried that you are too fat/short/pale/whatever. Grill Masters specialize in taking things that society has judged “second rate” and bringing out their true beauty and glory. Fifty years ago nobody except Grill Masters wanted tough and fatty cuts like briskets and pork butts. A Grill Master knows your true beauty really rests on the inside. A Grill Master knows how to coax that beauty to the surface.
2. Grill Masters offer you an amazing array of variety. Even the most amazing thing can get boring if repeated again and again. Monotony is never an issue when dealing with a Grill Master. You might be going in for a nice relaxing session of “Low and Slow” when all of a sudden…BAM!… they are throwing things around “Hot and Fast”. Grill Masters are always experimenting with spicy beef injections and are often in possession of amazing sausages. Grill Masters love bringing you Sweet with a touch of Heat.
3. Grill Masters love toys. You will never find a Grill Master that owns a single grill. They will often have at least four pits and every type of gadget that goes with them. Many toys of the Grill Master are battery powered and waterproof; this helps when operating equipment in wet conditions. Some Grill Masters have personalized branding irons but these are a special class of people. Speaking of which…
4. Grill Masters are in Control. Fifty Shades of Grey was a best seller for a reason. Deep down there is a desire to completely give yourself to another person. Grill Masters are already used to being called Master. There is no awkwardness in this for them. Grill Masters are in complete control of their burning fires. They can find a smoldering ember and stoke it into a flaming inferno at their will. They extinguish the flames at their pleasure.
5. Grill Masters keep secrets. You can ask a Grill Master for a recipe or technique and they will tell you everything except the real secret behind their skills. You will walk away feeling you know everything but will be blind to the truth. You can be completely free with a Grill Master because you know they will never tell your secrets. There is nothing wrong with being trussed and covered in Cool Whip but people still worry about being judged. A Grill Master would never post that picture on Twitter.
Now get out there and give your local Grill Master a hug and a wink! There is no telling how your evening will end!